Use And Abuse
by MissJJD
Summary: The story is set at the very end of Motherly Love. As Rafael Barba leaves the courtroom, Olivia Benson immediately regrets her decision not to have a drink with him. Rated T just to be safe.


**It has been a little while since I have written my other favourite pairing. So for Valentines Day I decided it was about time I did. Just a fluffy little one shot, which I hope you will enjoy.**

 **I apologise in advance for any glaring errors or any not so much... maybe a little OOC but hey ho it's that time of year.**

Olivia Benson watched ADA Rafael Barba leave the silent, empty courtroom, as ever his handsome face had given nothing away. A gentle, sad smile lifted her lips, yes it was a very handsome face and one which had been in constant in her life, over the last four or so years. One she couldn't imagine not seeing, be it on the good days or the bad.

Even by SVU standards this last case had been particularly harrowing, so called motherly love, the seasoned detective had thought many times over the previous few days. Sometimes she couldn't help but ask herself just how much more of herself did she have left to give to this job, but as her recent break up with Ed Tucker had told her, a lot more. It was who and what she was.

She had regretfully, but politely declined Barba's offer of a drink, although heaven alone knew she needed one, but she needed to be with Noah more. As the door, had clicked quietly but firmly shut behind the retreating ADA, Olivia Benson had also realised she needed to be with someone too. No, she needed to be with him.

"Hey Barba." Her voice wasn't loud, but it carried along the bustling courthouse corridor, stopping Rafael Barba in his neatly shod tracks.

Oliva picked her way through the milling people, catching up with him. For a moment, she just looked at him, his face etched with concern, wondering if perhaps this such a good idea after all. Was it just a knee jerk reaction to a stressful and horrible couple of weeks. His smile and the warm feeling that washed over her with it, told her, her timing could have been better, but it was a good idea. Her own smile was tentative as she spoke.

"I've got a decent bottle of scotch at home and a half decent bottle of wine at home, if you want to choose."

The ADA's clear green eyes searched her face, like himself, Olivia Benson was a past master at concealing her feelings, although those beautiful brown eyes of hers were still brimming with emotion, with the unshed tears he had seen in the courtroom a few moments before. He nodded his acquiescence, allowing her to precede him from the building.

The short ride to Olivia's apartment was made in silence, save the quick phone call she made to her nanny, Lucy, telling her she would be home shortly and would bath and put her son to bed herself. Barba gave her a sidelong look, her eyes were firmly fixed on the road ahead, her fingers unusually tight on the steering wheel. He knew better than to attempt to make conversation, knowing full well that Liv was thinking about Luke Keller, despite winning the case against his mother, the ADA was well aware there was nothing he could say that would make her feel better or allay her fears. If, or when she wanted to talk, she would. Whether she knew it or not, he would be there for her.

Lucy and the ADA had exchanged knowing looks when Liv had hurried through the door of her apartment and rushed directly to her son, hugging him tightly and smoothing his soft dark hair. Barely taking the time to remove her coat, she sat on the floor amidst an array of scattered toys and highly coloured bricks, chattering overly brightly to her son, and once more fighting those unshed tears.

The young nanny had collected her things and bid them both a goodnight, it was only Barba who responded, as the detective continued to cuddle and play with her son and his train on the thick rug, oblivious to everything else around her, prompting another knowing look between the ADA and the younger woman.

By the time, Olivia had bathed Noah, splashed around with his boat for a while and put him to bed, she had completely forgotten about the Assistant District Attorney, who had removed his jacket, loosened his tie, uncorked that half decent bottle of wine, and was now quite comfortable on her couch, scrolling through what she assumed were his emails.

She felt decidedly guilty, forgetting about him was bad enough, but using him, using her friend was something else entirely.

"I'm sorry Barba, I…. maybe this wasn't such a good idea, I'm…"

Barba raised those piercing green eyes of his from his phone, he said nothing but handed her a half-filled glass and patted the seat next to him.

She couldn't help but smile, the gesture reminding her so much of one of their very earliest cases. She had gone to meet the feisty new ADA for Manhattan SVU, in a swanky restaurant bar, as she arrived she remembered he was clearly feeling exceedingly pleased with himself and had patted the bar stool next to him in the same fashion, instructing her to sit, drink and smile. She also remembered thinking at that moment, he was a bit of a smart arse, an exceptionally well dressed one, and one oddly, she knew she was going to get along very well with. That afternoon had really set the tone for the friendship they now shared. Just as she had done back then, Olivia silently obeyed him. Sitting on the couch next to him, he returned his attention momentarily to phone, before switching it off and placing it on the table. Sipping her wine, which was actually a lot better than she had thought, the guilt seeped into Olivia's veins once more. She opened her mouth to speak, but found her words curtailed.

"Why was this a bad idea" He asked brusquely, those green eyes of his, pinning her to the spot like she was on the stand.

Just as if she were on the stand Oliva felt compelled to tell him the truth.

"On far too many levels, but for starters, I am not good company and I don't like using my friends."

"Hmm."

The little sound was all encompassing, with Barba appearing to be in full ADA mode and in no mood to let her off easily.

"Well firstly, it's hardly the first time we've shared a drink when one or other of us has not been _good company,_ I think we are quite possibly even on that score, andI very much doubt it will be the last. Secondly if you cannot use your friends from time to time who can you use?"

Naturally, he made an excellent case on both grounds, which she found difficult to refute. She'd had lost count of the drinks she had shared with colleagues over the years, the most recent incumbent of the ADA's office included, in total silence, because of a lousy day, a tough case or the _wrong_ verdict being returned by a jury. The times she had _used_ her friends was probably up there too, but for some inexplicable reason, she felt guiltier about it with Barba. Maybe it was because she wasn't being totally honest with him or herself for that matter.

"I am a New York ADA, Lieutenant, I am tough enough to take a little use and abuse."

He raised his glass, giving her a wry smile, noticing her expression become more serious.

"Funny isn't it how that's a throw away phrase for most people, but working in SVU it just conjures up so many horrible images."

"Liv, stop it. I know it's been a particularly rough couple of weeks, but give yourself a break. Don't be an SVU detective all the time."

Barba was right of course, she was being much tougher than usual on herself over this case, and the ironic thing was they had won. She had worked Special Victims long enough, not to let cases get to her, but since adopting Noah sometimes she found it much harder not to, especially if there were children involved, whatever their age.

"You're right Barba, I know. So much has very different connotations for us, knowing what we know, and seeing what we see, it's a miracle we end up getting involved with anyone, and if we do, it's another small miracle we don't get everything in writing first."

Barba laughed out loud this time, how true was that, even his relatively short time working in SVU had made him a lot more wary and cynical, if that was actually possible, than he ever was before. Things he had taken for granted, he now might think twice about, because you just never knew what was going to happen, or how the fragile balance of a person's mind might work. He tried not to let it dominate his life, but after week's like this, you just couldn't help it.

"And so are you, I will put my hands up, as you said, use and abuse, to most people is just a phrase, it used to be to me, I don't imagine what I did before when it gets used."

Despite the seriousness of the conversation, and how distracted she had been, Liv couldn't help but be a little intrigued by Barba's revelation. She did need to stop, and she did need to give herself a break, she didn't want to dwell any longer on the last couple of weeks, or the last few days in particular. The case, like many others was over, her son was safe, he was happy, and she had, as always done her best. She topped up their glasses, finally allowing herself to relax and letting a little of the fun Liv break out. But of course, all the while using her best interrogation skills …. well actually just keeping a very straight, if somewhat questioning face.

"So, tell me councillor, what did the _young_ pre SVU, Assistant District Attorney, Rafael Barba envisage when it was suggested he be used and abused?"

Taking another sip of his wine Barba was caught off guard by her sudden change in track, the much lighter tone of the conversation, not to mention her question itself. The wine going down the wrong way and causing him to cough and splutter.

"I am thinking I should plead the fifth." He said, his eyes now watering with the coughing, and glittering at the inference.

"Oh, that bad huh."

Olivia Benson was more than a little intrigued now, something had always told her there was a naughty streak in the ADA, lurking somewhere beneath that exceedingly sharp tailoring, pristine shirt, and those often quite funky suspenders. They'd had some very personal conversations over the last few years, but strangely despite the environment they worked it, it had never gone down this route. Probably as they had said before, it was never a good time or place to make light of such things.

"I guess that would depend on your perspective, and definition of _bad_."

Barba had recovered enough from his coughing fit to verbally spar with Liv, brushing his interestingly patterned tie, in the hope that he hadn't spat, blood red wine all over himself.

"Semantics Councillor, I would expect nothing less from you. And you know me well enough to know I have a very broad spectrum of interpretations."

There was genuine laughter in Barba's voice as he spoke, something Liv wasn't used to hearing, it was a lovely sound and one which gave her that nice warm feeling, all over again. Making her relax even more and encouraging her fun side just a little bit more.

"I do indeed, however, most of those _interpretations_ are _unfortunately_ work related, you might have Carisi come and arrest me."

The twinkle in his green eyes, and the naughty little grin on that handsome face, enticed the fun side of Olivia Benson out still further, it was also something she hadn't experienced the longest time.

"As if I would do such a thing. Hmm." There was that all-encompassing little sound again. Liv really was enjoying this. Perhaps a little bit too much, but she couldn't resist…

"Or maybe that _use and abuse_ , is a secret handcuff fetish."

She feigned shock, noticing a gentle flush sting his sculpted cheek bones, wondering if it was the wine, his laughter or if she had genuinely touched a nerve. Those clearly quite mesmerising green eyes of his twinkled with an almost wicked intensity.

"Well if anyone is going to put me in handcuffs, honestly I'd rather it was you."

Despite their amusing banter, there was an oddly genuine sincerity to his words, which made Olivia smile. It also somehow put a very different slant on things.

"Well of course I do have my own set, but…..." She stopped abruptly, perhaps that would be too much information, but Barba being Barba he wasn't about to let her stop there. The tenacious ADA pressing for an answer.

"Oh, I don't think so Lieutenant, BUT what?"

Olivia wasn't entirely sure how the conversation had gone from something so serious to this. But if she was being honest, and it looked like she was about to be, more so than perhaps she had intended, it was nice to relax in this way with her friend, even joke a little about subjects which were usually so serious for them, taboo even, albeit in a very different way. At least she no longer felt guilty about abusing him. Now there was a thought, one she quickly dispelled, or tried to at least.

"BUT…... aside from the fact they are far too work related. I like a man to use his hands."

Ridiculously she felt herself flush at her own revelation. This wasn't the sort of conversation she normally had with the ADA, well maybe not since her involvement with David Haden. She saw that strange little twinkle, glittering in Barba's eyes, it was difficult to tell what was behind it, what he was thinking. Was it something new or was it simply something she hadn't noticed before. It made her feel a tad silly and girlish, she found herself playing needlessly with her hair. Surely, she wasn't being flirtatious with Rafael Barba, was she?

Barba replied with equal candour: "Being tied up has its place, it might even come under that heading of use and abuse, but not being able to touch _you_ …..."

This time it was Barba who stopped abruptly, biting his tongue at his unguarded response.

Their eyes met, contrite green, meeting surprised brown. Barba could have kicked himself, what an idiot he was. A long silence hung in the air, this conversation had definitely taken on a very different slant.

"Would you like to Rafael?"

Liv heard her own voice, but couldn't believe she had said the words out loud, where had that come from? Oh, she knew very well where they had come from, like the girly, flirtatious fiddling with her hair, they were borne of that girlish crush she'd had on Rafael Barba for ever, finally it had manifested itself into words. She always thought, she would be a little tipsy when she said something so foolish, but half a glass of wine really didn't come under that heading.

Part of her felt guiltier than ever, that she really was using her friend, but the woman in her felt liberated, at last. She just hoped that liberation did not come at a cost, the cost of her friendship with Rafael Barba.

She had gone from declining his offer of a drink, to all but propositioning him, totally out of the blue and without any provocation or encouragement, but whatever, she'd said it now, the words could not be taken back. She took another hefty sip of her wine, perhaps she would blame the alcohol after all. She really was a fool.

It was the green eyes which were now laced with surprise, the chocolate brown ones, soft and questioning, if a little anxious. His brain scrambled rapidly past the use of his given name, startling enough in its own right. Had she not used it, he would have thought she was just teasing him with the question she had posed. His mouth desperately tried to connect to his mind and formulate some sort of half decent response. The ADA in Rafael Barba pointed out, this had been an emotional day, they had been drinking. The man in Rafael Barba pointed out they were both adults, and less than a glass of wine did not make their judgement impaired in any way. But just as Liv had, albeit, jokingly pointed out, doing the job they did, they had to almost get a written consent before doing anything. The last thing he wanted to do was misread anything, ruin their friendship and actually end up with Carisi leading him away in handcuffs.

For once the sharp, confident ADA did not trust himself to speak, there was too much at stake. The man took over, answering with simply honesty. Whatever the outcome, he could take it, he would have to.

"Yes, I …."

Olivia's soft fingers against his lips, censored any further words.

"That's all I needed, wanted to hear." Her finger traced the outline of his sensual mouth, finally realising just how much she wanted to feel those lips against her own, against her body. It wasn't a girlish crush at all, the notion overtook her in a tsunami of emotions.

"Yes, it's ok to use your friends from time to time, but I don't want you thinking I am using or abusing you or our friendship now, not for any reason."

There was that glorious warm smile, those bright honest green eyes and that reassuring voice she knew so well.

"I don't Liv, although right at this moment in time, I am not sure I would care if you were. Sometimes you have to just go with the moment."

His hand came to cover hers, pressing her fingers against his lips.

All banter was gone from their conversation now, humour and teasing replaced by sincerity and honesty.

"I don't want this to just be a moment." Her voice was barely audible and those unshed tears once more welled in her big brown eyes.

Clasping her wrist gently he removed her soft fingers from his mouth. With an equally soft and gentle tug, he pulled her against him, savouring a sudden waft of her familiar scent and relishing the closeness he had wanted for so long. Her lips were softer and sweeter than he had imagined, and Rafael Barba had imagined …..many times.


End file.
